Dirty Trick
by raigingstorm
Summary: A dirty trick on one Edward Elric leads to a dirty trick on one Roy Mustang. Roy/Ed Oneshot.


**Hey Guys!  
This is my first fanfic on here. It is RoyEd - Yoai!**

**This came from an RP I am doing with a friend. She gave me permission for this. However, this isn't some copy-n-paste thing; the RP is done purely with dialogue and actions. So in order to transcribe this to a story, details and such had to be added. Dialogue has remained unaltered, and the actions have been altered only where they need to be. The fact that this came from am RP will also explain the existence of 2 OCs in here (I generally don't write OCs into fics) and Al's being in the military.**

**Anyhow, enough with the blabber! And on with the _Dirty Trick_!  
**

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Dirty Trick

_Amestrian Military Headquarters, 17:04_

Roy Mustang sits at his desk, staring at his accumulated paperwork in dismay. He wonders briefly if Hawkeye will continue to allow him to procrastinate on doing said paperwork.

"What did you do to Al?" Roy jumps a little at the door slamming as Edward Elric storms into his office. At the sight of the blonde, a surge of feelings rise up – an indescribable mass Roy doesn't want to dissect, so he covers it all with annoyance. It's a more appropriate emotion.

"What do you mean, Fullmetal?"

"Katelynn said you have an assignment for me that involved Al! What happened?" the younger alchemist demands.

"Katelynn Hawkeye?" Roy's mind flashes back to the younger strawberry blonde related to his Lieutenant. He had just recently tried to keep her from joining the military – a perfectly justifiable act, mind you – only to have her worm her way in (that very day) through the medical department. Realization dawns on him. Payback. For refusing her, she had tricked Edward into believing his brother was in danger at the hands of Roy, causing the youngest alchemist in history to unleash his legendary temper upon the colonel. "…no, I don't."

He watches as confusion blooms across golden eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I don't have a mission for you," Roy elaborates, "and I don't have anything to do with your brother."

"…God Dammit!" Edward scowls.

"Do you _want_ an assignment?" Roy asks. A pointless question but…

Hell could freeze over, right?

"No."

Not today, apparently.

Absentmindedly, Roy flips a lone piece of paper over. Some crap about taking inventory on the _cow_ population of Amestris. Such jobs for the military? Ridiculous.

"So Katelynn… hm…" he muses, "I'll have to have a talk with her sister. And Miss Whitney Marcoh…" Roy focuses his attention to Ed as he uncharacteristically waits on the couch and allows worry to rule his features. "….what's wrong, Fullmetal?"

"Do you know where Al is?" comes the reply.

A reasonable question. "No, not that I'm aware of. I can call Hughes, if you want."

He watches as his subordinate nodds undefensivly. Surprise makes Roy quickly pick up the phone; though he tells himself he only wants Ed back to normal so he'll be at his disposal without distraction. "Then hold on a second." He dials the number. Edward remains silent as the older man waits for Hughes to answer. After a few rings, he barely manages a greeting before his closest friend launches into a monologue on his precious daughter.

Irritated, Roy cuts him off. "That's nice and all, Hughes, but I'm, actually calling for a reason."

"Really? And what would that be, Roy?" amusement floods the married man's voice. "Did you finally find yourself a woman? And you want me to be the best –"

"Alphonse Elric. Where is he?"

"Oh! Ed must want to know. Tell him he's here, under my care. He's currently being briefed on his duties. Safe-n-sound!"

"Thanks. Bye, Hughes."

"WAIT!" he tries to protest "I haven't told you! My beautiful ray of –"

Roy places the phone back on the receiver (none too lightly) and turns to the worried blonde. "Your brother is in the information department being briefed on his duties. He's fine, Edward…"

Fullmetal nodds a bit in response. Roy stands from behind his desk, frowning. If his brother is safe, than the boy should be fine… yet…

Ed stands abruptly, walking out to head home while throwing a 'Thanks Mustang' over his shoulder.

He really doesn't want to do this. He really should not do this… but Roy knows… _knows_ there's something wrong with the normally fiery teen. Honestly (okay, maybe only semi-honestly), he doesn't want to give into himself and see what – _it's none of his business! –_but one point breaks his resolve. What if Ed is about to do something, anything, dangerous?

A string of low, dark curses escapes Roy. "Fullmetal!" he calls out as he follows the younger alchemist outside.

The light is quickly fading. Ed walks on and ignores Roy, even as he calls out again. "ED!"

The blonde's only response is to, upon reaching his apartment, slams his front door in Roy's face. Sabrina Curtis, a young teen with a fiery attitude, Roy recalls, stands off to the side with Katelynn Hawkeye. Roy resists the urge to snap out at the girl for what she has done.

"He looked really upset," Sabrina says to the other girl.

"Awh… maybe that wasn't such a good idea…" Katelynn replies.

Roy pays them no mind as he pounds on the door. "Damn it, Fullmetal! As your commanding officer, I am telling you to open this door!" Roy scowls when the door doesn't open and adds "that's an order!"

Beside the dark-haired man, Sabrina pulls out her copy of the apartment key. Why she has a key to Edward's house, Roy doesn't know. Katelynn quickly mutters an 'I have to go home,' and leaves.

Sabrina unlocks the door and lets Roy in. "Thank you."

He walks into the apartment, surprised at its cleanliness. He never thought Edward as the type to keep things orderly, considering his sloppy reports and nasty habit of creating huge messes for him to clean. Then again, he figures, Al _does_ share the apartment with him. Alphonse probably keeps it clean.

Quietly, Roy makes his way to the hallway. In it, three doors lay in wait, two of which being open and revealing a tidy bedroom and a large bathroom. The third door is close, and as fas as Roy knows, it holds Edward's room behind it. When he reaches the door, he hears nothing but the soft clicking of someone opening and shutting the silver pocket watch given to State Alchemists. Hesitantly, he knocks on the door.

"…what?" Ed's voice drifts from inside.

Roy takes a deep breath and enters the bedroom.

Surprisingly, it isn't the total wreak the colonel expects. Sure, books and papers scatter the floor and encase the teen's desk, and the occasional shirt or sock lies here and there, but overall…

The blonde lies on his full-sized bed, staring at Roy in a mix of dismay and expectancy. "Ah…" Roy hesitates for a second, trying to choose the right words as to why he is in his subordinate's bedroom. Especially when said subordinate holds dome mysterious power over him… "Fullmetal," he begins. Yes, formality. That's the way to go. "As your superior officer, it's part of my duty to keep your morale up. Is there something the matter other than your brother?" Concise, straight to the point.

"You have no right to be in my house even as my superior officer," Ed replies.

"I was let in," Roy returns.

"Fucking Curtis women…" Ed mumbles.

"So?" Roy waits for an answer and leans up against the doorframe. After a second he crosses his arms to show he's not backing down. He is here for a **good, sociably accepted **reason.

"…I'm worried about Al," Ed finally says, "and Katelynn was a bitch for doing that."

anger gives a quick rush through Roy as he thinks about the girl's dirty trick. "Katelynn will be reprimanded."

"Why? She didn't technically do anything wrong?" the young man's voice is surprised.

Jeopardizing the safety of one of my most important men. What if you had gone looking for Al instead of coming to me?"

"I was told to go to you," Ed stares at him, "and how am I important? I hardly do anything anymore."

Too late, Roy realizes his wrong choice in wording. "….you just….. are…." he manages.

Ed looks at him for a second longer before turning his gaze away and planting a smirk on his face. "Forgetful old man."

"I haven't forgotten anything," Roy replies, "and I'm not old, shortie."

The blonde bristles. "I'm not short! I'm small-boned!"

Roy smirks. He's gained the upper hand for the moment. "Riigghht." Sarcasm drips from his voice.

"You're thirty!" Ed retorts, "And graying!"

Graying? Roy Mustang _does not _gray! "My hair is perfectly black, thank you!"

Roy watches as Ed stands up and walks over to him. Before the older man can blink, the younger plucks – ouch – a – God DAMN it! – gray hair and smirks.

"Tha-" Denial. Utter denial. "That's _one_! That's not graying!"

The smirk still dominates the boy's face. "I could pull out more."

"_No,_" Roy argues, "You couldn't. They are not there."

He winces as the blonde pulls out another. "Nice dye, Colonel."

"I… ah.." he stutters, "they're your fault!"

"How am I to blame?"

"You cause me stress! Running off and doing whatever and making messes for me to clean up after," Yes, Fullmetal is to blame. Nothing but trouble and the creator of thoughts he _shouldn't_ have. "Like a child," Roy adds, smirking. Insults always get the blonde…

But instead Ed only smirks back. "Old man, worrying about a child who is sixteen, even."

The older man suppresses a childish huff. "If you didn't act like a five year-old, I wouldn't have to."

"I never asked you to!" the younger shoots back.

"Part of the job."

"Then why are you concerned mostly about me?"

DAMN it! How had he figured that…? Oh. Boy genius. "Ah… because.. you're…. _you_," Roy struggles, putting emphasis on his last word as if it explains everything.

Ed blinks. "What's special about me?"

Apparently it doesn't explain everything. And Roy's screwed up again. He needs to leave before he says something better left unsaid. "Well, for one thing, I know my other men wouldn't go off the deep end over a joke about their stature."

"That's good?" Ed raises an eyebrow.

"Yes," Roy struggles," it means they won't try to kill someone over it."

"Tell the truth, Mustang…" Roy's breath hitches as something flicker through those golden eyes and their owner lays a hand on his chest.

Pink begins to tint his face. His body is betraying him after all this time. "Ah… ah… what brings this on, Fullmetal?" His brain tells him to pull away, to slap the hand down but….

"You care about me because you love me, don't you?"

His brain shuts down, too. He can only stare. Is he really hearing this?

"Tell me the truth, Roy." Golden eyes look up to deep dark blue in the cutest way, prompting an answer.

Roy's face shades a bit darker. "Ah… I don't know what you are talking about," he lies weakly.

"You don't have to hide your lust from me," Ed says… _sexily…_ as he unbuttons Roy's top button on his white uniform shirt.

"L-lust?" Roy swallows thickly. It's the best he can manage, and he feels his lower half tense in response to the word. "Fullmetal… Ed…"

"Yes…?" Ed looks at him expectantly.

"I… ah…" he tries, "we.." He sighs as control finally sets in."We can't. I want to but… faternalization is not taken lightly in the military."

Ed keeps his gaze even. "Just tell me how much you want me."

Quietly Roy answers. "….quite a bit…."

"Tell me," Ed presses.

"Quite a bit," he repeats, louder this time.

"Quite a bit _what_? Be honest, "the blonde stands on his toes to bring his face closer to Roy's, "be _specific_."

It takes all Roy's willpower to restrain himself from those lips, those eyes…

"C'mon, Roy…"

His restraint breaks and he brings his face to Ed's slowly.

"Tell me first."

"It'd be easier, "Roy starts breathily. God how he wants this! Just once! "to show you a little…"

"I want _words_," Ed replies.

"Damn it, Edward!" Want… want… "I _want _ you! Enough so that I'm tempted to throw away my whole career!"

Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, the only man Roy finds himself wanting to chase, _laughs_.

Confusion floods Roy, causing him to frown. "What's so funny?" He demands. Here he has just confessed… shit, confessed things he doesn't even want to DEAL with to the last person on Earth he wants to know…

"You're an old pervert!" Ed says as he backs away. "And now I have it recorded!" Roy's heart sinks as he watches Ed take out a black tape recorder from his pocket.

Hurriedly Roy pushes his despair aside and lets it give way to anger. "Hand it here, Fullmetal." He extends his hand for the recorder. "_Now._"

Ed grins. "I don't think so. I'll spare showing it to the Fuehrer, but showing it to Hughes, Hawkeye, Havoc..." he trails off, leaving the possibilities endless.

Roy adds warning to his tone. "_Fullmetal_…"

The blonde continues grinning. "Yes?"

Suddenly, Roy moves forward and traps Ed against the back wall of the room.

"W-what are you doing?""

The flame alchemist places his arms on either side of Ed, effectively pinning him. The younger man blushes faintly.

"H-hey…"

Roy brings his face down so it is level with Ed's. He looks straight into golden pools as he speaks. "You. Are," quickly he snatches the recorder from the blonde's grasp, "Unbelievable." He backs away, smirking.

The cute blush dissipates from the boy's face once he realizes Roy's actions. "You're a pervert," he snaps as he takes the device back.

"You weren't saying that when you thought I was going to try something," Roy smirks as he gains the recorder back in his possession and holds it high above his head.

Ed gives a growl and pushes into the older man, causing him to land on the bed with Ed on top. Quickly, Ed grabs the recorder from his hand. Thinking fast, Roy pulls on Ed's black shirt and, without regard for the potential results of his actions, pulls him down and rolls so the blonde was beneath his body, locked in place by his knees. Roy snatches Ed recorder back into his grasp, but it slips from his hand and lands a few feet away from the bed.

"M-mustang, what the hell?" Ed's face glows a heated red.

One thought rose – the idea of Ed beneath him was enough to make his pants constrict, but Ed had shown his disinterest.

And Roy Mustang does not do rape.

So in one of the hardest displays of self-control he has ever experienced, Roy jumps off the young alchemist and dives for the incriminating device. Triumph.

However, his victory is short-lived once he realizes his youngest soldier has curled up into a fetal position. "….Fullmetal?" Roy asks tentatively. No reply comes to Roy's ears. Had he hurt the boy? "…Ed?" The Flame Alchemist stands and places the recorder in his pocket. He takes a step towards the bed.

"Get away from me, you rapist!"

"W-what?" Roy's eyes widen. "I-I did no such thing to you! I wouldn't!" It doesn't matter how much he wants the Fullmetal Alchemist _Roy Mustang does not do rape_.

Ed only shakes in response.

Roy frowns. After all he's done, the least he could do is comfort the boy… He reaches out to touch his shoulder. "Ed…"

The blonde smacks his hand away.

With a sigh, Roy attempts to explain. "Look, I wasn't trying to…" he falters. After a moment, he makes up his mind. He's got to leave. Now. "I'm sorry."

Quietly Ed speaks. "Don't leave… that won't help."

Roy's voice becomes breathy. "Then what would?"

"I don't know." Of course he doesn't.

"MAKE UP!" Sabrina loudly yells from the other side of the door.

"SABRINA GO AWAY!" Ed yells, equally loud. Roy's ears ring from the volume.

"NO!"

Roy instinctively locks the door so the girl can't enter.

"MAKE UP!" She yells again.

"Go away!" The blonde insists.

"Not unless you make up!"

"FINE!" Ed caves, "Now leave!"

"I better feel good aura when I come back!" Sabrina warns as she leaves.

Roy watches as Ed sits up. Sighing, he goes and sits beside the other alchemist.

"I am…. Sorry…" he apologizes again.

Ed is silent for a moment. "…can I have my recorder back? It cost me a lot of money…"

"No," Roy replies, "The material on it…"

"I won't show anybody." The blonde's voice sounds earnest but…

"How can I be sure of that?"

"I give you my word."

With a heavy sigh, Roy gives the electronic back to its owner. Hopefully Fullmetal isn't a liar…

"I'll record over it the next time I record something," Ed promises.

Inside his mind, Roy imagines the boy keeping it, playing it when he was alone and listening to Roy's voice husky and wanton confess his desire over and over…

He blinks away the image. _That _would never happen.

"Okay," Roy lays back and stares at the ceiling once the blonde has taken it from him.

"…thank you for the comfort, Mustang…"

The sudden gratitude surprises the Flame alchemist. He wasn't expecting that. "N-no problem…"

Silence descends. "Edward," Roy says, "I'd, ah, prefer it if you didn't mention this to anyone…"

"I won't," he promises, "But I can't say Sabrina won't."

"I understand."

A few more moments pass before Ed speaks again. "I'm fine now. You can leave."

"Yeah…" Roy stands up. "I would understand if you wanted to transfer to a different department. I don't…" his voice falters for a second, "_want_ you to, but I'd understand if you did." He attempts a comforting smile, to show it's really okay, but fails.

"That's stupid. Why would I want to do that?" Ed's voice is filled with confusion.

"…because of what I said to you…" Isn't it obvious? Apparently not, since the blonde is making him admit his wrong.

"I already knew you were an old pervert," he explains, "if I hated it, I'd of already left."

Roy turns to go. Maybe it _is_ true….

Maybe Roy Mustang _is_ just an old pervert. An old graying pervert.

"I wouldn't get this amusement elsewhere."

"Yeah." Roy feels dead. Odd. "Amusement."

The blonde's next words shock Roy. "I won't be leaving you… ever."

Roy blinks. "..not even when your draft is up?" he ventures.

Edward struggles for his next words. "You're…. my friend."

"Your friend," Roy repeats dumbly.

"Yeah."

Just friend. Like Roy could hope for something more. Bitterly, he turns to open the door and finds it locked. Oh. He did that. "Glad to hear that, Fullmetal." He unlocks it and… hesitates. He feels Ed's eyes on his back, watching him.

Suddenly, he hears movement behind him. Roy turns to see and is greeted by a certain alchemist barreling his way into his body, wrapping his arms around the older alchemist. A blush shades Roy's face.

"Thank you for the comfort." Again. Why is he saying this…. Again?

"N-no… problem," he stutters.

Edward Elric leans against the Flame alchemist. Instinctively, he holds the blonde closer. Ed tightens his grip in response. Roy sighs quietly.

"Roy…" Ed looks up at him.

"Yes?"

"Ed reaches up, pecks him on the lips, and runs into his room, locking it behind him.

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A/N:

I love RoyEd. Reviews would be much appreciated! Annnnd they would inspire me to write my multi-chapter RoyEd fic I'm planning 3

(Yes, I know. I'm shamelessly bribing you for reviews)

Wif lurv~  
RaigingStorm


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